After all that has happened in the past week, I haven’t smoked for (like) 6 days. Before that, but while still trying to get over Pneumonia, I’d have a few drags of a cigarette to take the edge off a little… which in no way means I was smoking a pack a day since being diagnosed almost 3 weeks ago.
Please hold off on the lectures about smoking & being sick. It has been hard enough on me going cold turkey while being hospitalized for the past couple of days, because that is basically what I did, going into the hospital for a second time was no smoking and no patches. I have been flipping a bitch-switch on about everyone and everything.
Tonight I broke. I had a couple of drags of a cigarette, and to be perfectly honest… it made me sick-feeling. A little dizziness, a little light headed and the brand of cigarettes I normally smoked daily tasted horrible. I got a headache almost instantly.
And then I started thinking about it all. Most doctors will blame an in-grown toe nail on smoking just to get people to quit. I found this doc online, and I’m glad that I did, because it confirms some of what I’ve said, that smoking doesn’t cause Pneumonia. And non-smokers get and/or are treated for Pneumonia the same way.
I didn’t know what I would hope to have gained by lighting up a cigarette tonight. Possibly the feeling I had prior to being sick, that normal feel-good feeling I had a month ago. But you know what? Very few have enouraged me to continue not smoking vs. the “intervention” style approaches & lectures of others. All of this stressfulness is just too much for a person like me who is used to doing things my own way & on my own terms.
This blog has meant many things to me, and this post is another chapter of what it’s like being “fed-up” and I hope some of what I wrote makes sense to the ones who care (or say they care) about me.
It’s been a very long day, so Good night all.
